How the Trump stole Christmas

(With apologies to
Dr. Seuss, this was posted at midnight on Dec. 21, the night the
lights went out in Washington. Please feel free to pass it on.)

Every Who down in
D.C. liked Christmas a lot ...

But the Trump, who
lived in Mara Lago (mostly), did NOT!

The Trump hated
Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now please don't ask
why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be,
perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.

Or it could be Fox
News shoved him to the right,

But I think that the
most likely reason of all,

Was that his heart,
like his hands, was two sizes too small.


Whatever the reason,
his heart or Fox News,

He sat there in
transit, just hating the Whos,

Staring down from
his Lear jet with a sour, Trump frown,

At the warm, lighted
windows, on the poor side of town,

For he knew every
Who down in D.C. beneath,

Was busy now hanging
a mistletoe wreath.

Then he growled with
his tiny fingers strumming,

“I MUST find some
way to stop Christmas from coming.”

Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!


“I'll raise all
the tariffs and lower my taxes,

“I'll tweet a
whole bunch and ignore all the factses.

“I'll sully the
water, mess with the air,

“Give breaks to
the rich; that really seems fair.

“I'll pay no
attention to global warming,

“I'll claim the
border has hordes that are swarming,

“I'll show who
really has the clout,

“By firing anyone
who raises a doubt.

“I'll create all
kinds of mass hysteeeria,

“And then abandon
the people in Syria.”

“And one thing
more,” said this orange clown,

“I'm even going to
shut the government down.

“I'll close down
the parks, the helpers, the dome,

“I'll even sneak
into every DC home

“I'll end their
jobs, their pay, their hope

“And chuckle a
litle, as they try to cope.”

Then he did that,
wearing the Trumpiest frown,

He snuck into homes
on the poor side of town,

He slithered and
slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around every room,
and he took every present!

But he turned around
fast, and saw a small Who!

Little Cindy-Lou
Who, who was not more than two.

She stared at the
Trump and said, “President, why?

“Why are you
taking our Christmas hopes? WHY?”

But, you know, that
old Trump was so smart and so slick,

He thought up a lie,
and he thought it up quick!

“Why, my sweet
little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied,

“There's a problem
with all the folks from outside.

“I'm taking your
Christmas,” he said with a straight face.

“And something
outstanding will be in its place.”

And the one
governmen grant

That he left in the

Was a check that was
even too small for a mouse.

“Pooh-Poo to the
Whos!” he was Trumpily humming,

“They're finding
out now that no Christmas is coming.”

But when he looked
down, the Trump popped his eyes!

What he saw was a
shocking surprise!

He hadn't stopped
Christmas from coming!


Somehow or other, it
came just the same!

And what happened
then ...?

Well ... in DC they

That Trump's small
heart and his hands

Grew three sizes
that day!

And ...

Well, who are we
kidding? Actually, he hurried to Mara Lago for the rest of his
scheduled 16-day vacation. He played a lot of golf, swapped stories
with three guys named Sergei, bought Melania something gold in hopes
of getting lucky, tipped his Latina maid 35 cents and decided that
life just isn't fair to really terrific guys like him.